The Life and Times of Derek

11:32 am

I'm a homeowner !!

08:54 am

"Many people need desperately to receive this message: 'I feel and think much as you do, care about many of the things you care about, although most people do not care about them. You are not alone.'"

-Kurt Vonnegut

01:06 am

I'm getting sick of seeing all of the people I knew in high school on myspace with their families, kids, or successful relationships, boyfriends, girlfriends, jobs, or whatever...makes me feel like a failure sometimes.

02:15 am

Lots of talking went on tonight. I don't really know what I want out of life, I don't even really know what it is that I like to do. Its so much easier just to conform to what the people I spend time with like to do, than just figure something out for myself. Will it be too late before I figure out what it is that I want ? Will I really end up all alone, or worse, in some false relationship with pretend love ? I think back to all of the people that I've hurt, that I've elevated to some pedestal, and just leaving, letting them fall. Though that in itself is a testament to how much ego I have. Thinking that someone's entire life could be shattered just because I didn't stay with them, be with them, love them. Sometimes I think I'm one of those people who is never with someone, will be by themselves. Like a love curse. Or more accurately, a virus, a disease. Infecting whoever it is I touch with my cynicsm. I really have to figure out how to change who I am, or I'm doomed to repeat my failures again and again. Lots of people say "Just change." but its not that easy for me. Its almost like I can't let go of who I was before, that its just going to be the same forever. I don't really know where to start, but it has to be somewhere, and it has to be soon.

06:53 pm

My hood is finally fixed !! It looks so good now, just like new :) So, a big fuck you goes out to whoever hit it with the pumpkin those years ago at Ashley's Halloween party, and a big fuck me for scratching it up with a brillo pad :)

09:24 pm - I <3 Bandwagons

04:50 pm - Change of Number

I have recently changed my phone number and service due to a mishap that occurred at Islands of Adventure. If you need the new number, feel free to email me or IM me.

09:21 am

Happy Fourth of July everyone! To most of us this means a day from work/school. To others it means that we have to work, in one way or another. Could be the military, could be delivering beer. Whatever it is, enjoy the day anyways.

Lets see, what kind of exciting things have been going on recently. Last weekend me and a few of my friends (Beth, Leanne, Morris, and Ishir) went to Panama City Beach, as a little mini vacation. We all took Friday off and drove up there. We were going to go to Club La Vela that night, but we were all too tired from the drive, so instead we went on Saturday. It was quite fun I must say. Of course the drinking was there. I mean, its like a rule, that's what you're supposed to do on a vacation. I also went on one of those big slingshot things with Beth. The first time I totally screamed like a girl, but it was still fun. The second time it was just relaxing. They had DVDs for sale of the experience, but I would never watch it. Especially with the whole me sounding like a girl thing. But all in all that weekend was pretty fun.

I also went ahead and bought some stuff for myself, just because I wanted to. I bought a new TV, receiver, and speakers. I'll post some pictures of those up soon.

Work is still just work. I'm doing more project management than I was doing before, and going to different conferences. Week after next I'm going to a VB.NET training session with my boss. I'm glad to be going to the session, but not so much that I am going with my boss. He's kind of a tool, to be frank. Doesn't seem to do anything at work, and always asking questions about the simplest things. Oh well, whatever.

This coming weekend Les and I are going to Islands of Adventures. He managed to snag some free tickets, and I think that'll be fun.

That's pretty much about it from good ol' Lake County. See ya guys later!

03:17 pm

Guess who gets to go see Dave Chappelle on Wednesday ? That's right, this guy :)

09:21 pm

Obligatory sentence stating that its been a long time since I've updated.

So the last thing that I wrote about was the house warming party right ? So lets go first with the major events that have occurred since then. The first would be the conference that I went to in North Carolina, more specifically Research Triangle, for the Mi Co forms that I am using at work. These forms are mainly for handwriting recognition applications, and that is what we are using them for at work. Its a pretty interesting application, but its tough to get everything exactly right on them. And I thought that going to the conference was going to help me in the design aspect of it. Well, it kind of did, and kind of didn't. I learned some stuff about the design of the forms, but nothing that could really help me. The reason is that most of what I am doing is through the VB.NET interface, which I don't really have all that much experience with. So, its slow going. The conference was on the 25th and 26th of April.

The next big event, one that I was initially excited about, was the cruise with Barbara and her friends. This occurred May 1st through the 5th. There are lots of pictures posted regarding it, and I will be putting some more stuff online about it in the near future, but suffice it to say that I did enjoy the trip, but there were some aspects of things that I didn't really like. I guess I was just upset that I couldn't be more open to these people who didn't even know me, and in all likelihood never see me again. It just brought out a lot of old feelings that I thought I had gotten over, but apparently never did. Some byproducts of this trip were having a very nice tan back at work (which I was complimented on quite a bit), and the thought of applying to work on one of the ships for a while. I have pretty much decided not to do that. Mainly because I don't think I could be so out of touch with things, and having to stay in one place for such a long time. I don't know, maybe the thought will come back someday.

The next big thing was Les' birthday party down here. This happened on May 27th. Les brought a whole lot of beer down, and Brandon even came! That was pretty cool to see him after such a long time. Mostly everyone who came had a good time. This includes Leanne, Les, Brandon, Beth, Ishir, Brad, and Jaime. It was pretty good, except for the fact that Brandon got either food poisoning or alcohol poisoning. We were never sure which one it was. But he felt really bad the next morning. He almost didn't go home, but then he did. We also saw XMen 3 that weekend. I saw it twice. Once on Friday and once on Sunday.

The next, and final, big event was Andy and Beth's wedding in Pensacola. Pictures are still pending on this one. They will be uploaded soon. It was a very fun time, and I even danced with people! Crazy eh ? Yeah, I thought so too. But I really did enjoy myself there, seeing all my old friends again. I want to try and stay closer with them, but its hard. I didn't even know Morgan moved to LA, or Sara moved to Boston.

And how am I doing ? I'm doing alright. For some reason tonight I'm feeling kind of down, don't really know why. I think that I'm just tired. I may go to bed after I finish all of this typing. We'll see. I've become good friends with Beth, from work. Not like that, she's married. But we've become good friends, and we talk to each other about lots of different things. Its a nice comfortable relationship. I've also become good friends with Brad. We play video games and talk about other guy stuff. So there, made a new guy friend and new girl friend. That's my quota, I'm done :) Work is going alright. I've been kind of pushed into a project management role, which I don't really mind at all. I'm hoping that it'll pay more in the future. But its pretty fun, heading projects and all. The job isn't so bad. We get an intern tomorrow for the summer. That should prove to be interesting. Some high school kid who our boss says knows some stuff, so we'll see how that goes. Nothing really going on in the relationship front. I think that I'm just maintaining a holding pattern really. Just circling around, being there, but not really going in for anything. I'm happy for the people out there who have somebody, and are happy. I guess I'm happy, but I wish I was in a nice, stable relationship with someone. Well, I'm only 24. There's plenty of time.